The Days That Never Seemed to End

The Days That Never Seemed to End

Here we are. Day 1 of my first round of Chemo and I couldn't be more tired. Waking up at 4:20 isn't the best start to your day. But luckily, I slept almost all the way to Los Angeles. 

When we got to Cedars-Sinai we went up to the Cancer Center and were taken to the short infusion room. While there, I sat in a chair and waited for the moment I had been dreading.

Port access.

It was the first time I had ever had my port accessed and I was nervous. And I had every right to be because the needle was big and would  give me chemotherapy (in other words PURE POISON!) in a short amount of time. 

Or so I thought....

I was moved to long infusion because the doctors said that I would have an eight-hour infusion. But that didn't count the two hours of blood work, fluids, and chemo prep. I got to the cancer center at 8:30 and left around 7:30. That is 11 hours in the hospital.

Not to mention the incessant beeping of machines that need new bags, and multiple trips to the bathroom to pee with your new best friend. Mine's name is Oliver and he follows me everywhere.

 Lets not forget the many nurses, dietitians, and doctors checking on you every hour on the clock. 

It was exhausting, but during the first day, I thought, Hey! maybe this cancer thing isn't as bad as i thought it would be. 

OH was I wrong...

Before leaving, I was hooked up to a pump that I would carry around for 48 hours as it slowly poisoned me with red, Kool-Aid colored, chemo. Just the color made me nauseous.

     


We left the hospital late that might and began driving to the Ronald McDonald house where we would stay the night and then return the next few days to the hospital, instead of driving all the way back to Tehachapi. When we got to the Ronald McDonald house, it looked like an actual house.

We walked in and it seemed fine, but after we signed in, we were given a tour and I was about to have a panic attack.

This place was DISGUSTING!!!

The floor was filthy and the shared bathrooms were a nightmare. There were eleven other families there and not one family spoke English. After the tour, we left and got in the car to get some food. As we drove around, I broke down.

-This shouldn't be my life.
-I shouldn't have to stay in this disgusting place.
-I want to sleep in a comfortable place.
-I don't want this stupid pump on me for 48 hours as it makes R2-D2 noises every minute and fifteen seconds.
-I don't want to feel nauseous every second of every day.

I slept about 4 hours that night. The nurses said that if I felt nauseous, that I should take some anti-nausea meds right away to feel better. That sounded good in theory, but once I felt even a tiny bit nauseous, I puked within 10 seconds. Thank goodness that we had our own bathroom with our room, because if we didn't have that, it would have been a disaster trying to navigate where the bathroom was and then making a complete mess everywhere.

Day 2

When the nausea went away, due to puking, I fell asleep and crashed until I was woken up by screaming, singing, clapping, and car-playing in the rooms next door. Since the house was so old, the walls had no insulation AT ALL, you could hear and contribute to any and all conversations that were happening at the moment.

(That is my I'm-exhausted-and-sick-and-annoyed-by-the-people-next-door-who-will-not-shut-up face.)

All the conversations that were solely in Spanish. Don't get me wrong, I love Spanish, I adore it. But at 7 in the morning after being sick all night, I'm not a fan.





(The Ronald McDisgusting House)

So off we went, Phillip the Poison Pump and all, never looking back, only to laugh at ourselves and the whole situation. Later we found a hotel to stay at and it was wonderful! We were supposed to get a room with 2 beds, but we got one with three because the other room was a smoking room, and I couldn't have that. It was great!

I ate some spaghetti and meatballs and soon realized that I shouldn't eat big meals in one sitting. The nausea was horrible...

I puked twice that night and every time I got up to do it, I had to carry Phillip the Poison Pump with me, which made everything 1000% worse, as he made obnoxious noises all the time. I fell asleep for a couple hours and was completely thrashed in the morning. I was tired, and nauseous, and I didn't want to eat anything in fear of puking again.

The rest of the day was a blur...

Day 3

I don't remember the morning, only that I was completely sick the entire time. It was blurry until we were on our way to the hospital again to get rid of Phillip the Poison Pump. I puked on the way there and felt absolutely miserable.... it tasted horrible and felt even worse. When we got into the hospital, I was taken to the short infusion place and given fluids and anti-nausea meds through an iv connected to my port in my arm. I was restless and my nausea was overwhelming. I took a nap to get my mind off it.

But then when I woke up, I puked again. (ew.....) I was wheeled out on a wheelchair and got into the car and puked again. This nausea stuff is kicking. my. butt. 

It Sucks! 

When we got back to the Hotel, I took some anxiety/sleep/anti-nausea meds and fell asleep until I woke up, a couple hours later to puke again. (what is that? 5 times now?) 

Day 4

Once that was done, I fell back to sleep for 14 WHOLE HOURS!!! I was stoked and felt great!

I woke up at 12:20 and then we went to eat a small meal at Panera Bread which was delicious! And I kept it down! After eating lunch, we went back to the hospital to get fluids for four hours and a shot to my stomach to help replace my white blood cells that I lost/will lose through chemo. 

Everyone here at Cedars-Sinai are literal angels on earth. They are soooo sweet and funny and always there to talk to! They really make the experience bearable. 

(This is Casey. She's my favorite nurse!)

Now that my first week of Chemo is done, (1 down, 16 more to go.) I can go home!!!! And I couldn't be more excited. I can sleep in my own bed, smell my own house, and be with my adorable siblings that I missed oh so much! And once again, I want to thank everyone who has donated and been there to support me through this journey.

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Throughout this journey, I've noticed that one thing remains true through all the trials and heartaches that come along with cancer. That truth is that my Heavenly Father knows me and that, his Son, and my Savior, Jesus Christ has felt all my pain, individually. They are real. They truly are. I know that I have been carried these past few days because at some points my body couldn't move. 

"I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation."                 ~Joseph Smith History


I know my Savior lives. I know that with everything in me. I CANNOT DENY IT. I won't. 

I love my Savior and I love my Heavenly Father. I know that they will be with me through this whole journey, and for that I am truly grateful, and will never be able to repay that.

Fight Faithfully - Taya