Hair Today, Bald Tomorrow

Hair Today, Bald Tomorrow

Chemo is ridiculous. There are horrible side effects that go along with it to make it even worse, such as: nausea, fatigue, mouth sores, dry skin, heightened sense of smell, changing taste buds, and hair loss... just to name a few.

On Sunday morning I got up and was getting ready for church and I was showering. I ran a hand through my hair and 1/3 of my hair came out into my hand. 

ONE-THIRD OF MY HAIR ALL. AT. ONCE.

It was crazy, because I would pull barely and it would just pop out because it was so dead. I could literally feel it pop out of my head when I pulled it, but I didn't feel it on my scalp at all. 

In the beginning of the whole process, I didn't think I would care AT ALL when my hair fell out, because it has never been something super important to me and I would wear it in a messy bun everyday anyways. But when it falls out in a huge clump and I didn't even feel it, that's different.

Then, obviously, I had a breakdown in the shower and was crying as I looked at the hair in my hands and thought, "This is really happening... my hair is falling out because I have cancer."

That is my panicking/crying face and there's the hair that fell out in the shower. GROSS. (sorry)

Then in the midst of my hair falling out, I put it in a tiny bun to keep it in tact as much as I could and we went off to church. I had to wear a mask the entire time because there were so many people and little kids that had germs, and I have a weakened immune system. So I wore the mask, and every time I breathed, my glasses fogged up, and my mouth was sweating because it was hot in there.

But I sucked it up because Sunday is the most important day of the week and church is my absolute favorite thing in the world. Each Sunday I learn about and love my Savior Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father more and more. I can't even express my love for them, especially through this trial. :)

After a wonderful day at church, I went home and took before pictures with the little hair I had left. It was weird taking pictures because I knew that for the next year and a half I wouldn't have hair anymore. Kinda surreal...

Then the time finally came.

(Thank you to Torrie Nicolas for doing the honors.)

First my hair was braided and then chopped off.

                                    

Here I am, holding my braid like it's a dead fish, with a cute pixie cut.


Then the shaving began...

Having your head shaved is the weirdest sensation ever. I just sat and laughed as my hair fell around me and onto the floor.

Then, just like that, all my hair was gone. 

Feeling my newly shaved head was probably the craziest experience of my life. It was so weird and I've only felt it on my little brother's head before. 

Never did I ever think that I would feel it on my own head.

It's funny, when I put this sweater on this morning I was like wow, that's ironic, because my hair is falling out and that's not something to be grateful for. BUT later in the day I realized just how wrong I was. Hair is nothing. NOTHING. It's literally dead stuff that grows on our heads and we associate it with beauty. 

BEAUTY!?

Kinda gross when you think about it...

I am so so so grateful for all the supportive people who came to celebrate this moment with me and all their love for my family and I! 

Thank you and I love you all bunches! 

Life is hard. Life is really hard. But with our Savior Jesus Christ, and our Heavenly father, and amazing friends and family, life is beyond wonderful!!!

Fight Faithfully - Taya

p.s. I don't want to say this in a prideful way, but I've always known I was pretty. I've always just known I was pretty because I'm a Daughter of God and that's what He sees. That's what I saw, too.

But now... I feel pretty. 

Now every time I look in the mirror I do a little dance and smile like an idiot because I found that looks aren't everything. Not at all.

I feel pretty with no hair. 

I feel happy with no hair.

I feel free with no hair.

It's amazing what a new perspective can change...