Your Life Plan is Not YOUR Plan, It's God's
ROUND 2: 7 Days
She Will Find What Is Lost by Brian Kershisnik
Day 1
"It's okay to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really brave."
Back at it again. Luckily this time I got to wake up at 7:00 instead of 5:00. The drive was good, and I was actually awake the entire time because I slept longer in the morning. I drove down with my sweet Daddy since it was his spring break. (Fun, right!?)
Also, for anyone who saw this picture earlier, the camera flipped it to make it seem like I was driving. I was not driving. There is no way I would have the mental capacity to drive myself to a chemotherapy appointment. But if I gave some people a laugh about how my dad is getting to old to drive himself (he is getting up there...), then you're welcome!
My appointment started at 10:30 and I felt pretty good about it.
To say I was nervous is an understatement. Considering that the day before I had a breakdown about going back and getting poisoned again. But once I got there and got settled and all set up to go, I was good. I was good until they told me that I would have to have Phillip the Poison Pump every night after we left the hospital. EVERY. NIGHT. Oh my goodness no no no no noooooo.....
But, luckily the chemo in the pump was clear, instead of red, so I could pretend it was water.
SPEAKING OF WATER: while you're on chemo, they give you tons of fluids. TONS. Due to that, I had to pee every 20 minutes on the dot. And I had to drag my IV stand, Oliver, with me every single time.
Luckily, this week we had a super cool room in a house connected with UCLA. Which was like paradise compared to the Ronald McDonald house of last time.
Also, with this round of chemo, I need to take certain pills to help with things it was taking from me. One of these things was Sodium Bicarbonate. So during this week, I would need to take four pills every four hours all week long. Let's just say it got old after taking them twice.
The first day was pretty simple. No nausea. No hassle really, which I should have enjoyed longer...
Day 2
"Bald is Beautiful."
Day 2 here we go. 1 day down!
Okay, so to start off, the nurses didn't tell me that Phillip the Poison Pump would be making robot noises every 17 seconds all night, instead of the minute and 15 seconds it did last time. EVERY 17 SECONDS.
Luckily when we got to the hospital, it was disconnected, so I got a break for a little, before it was reconnected later that night.
Even though I got a break from robot noises, I would rather have that, than peeing my pants because of all the fluids. I had to pee every 20 Minutes and if I waited a little longer, it wasn't good. I'll just say that hospital pants are comfy and diapers are actually super cool.
Once the day was done, we went back to the house and I took a long nap. Then I woke up and ate some Chicken Noodle Soup and then took a shower. The shower was nice, until I looked in the mirror afterwards.
My head was disgustingly patchy after most of it fell out in the shower. So we decided to shave it all off.
Bald is a weird feeling. Being buzzed earlier was weird, but having just skin on your head is freaky! At least now I didn't have to wait for it all to fall out. But by the time we were done, we were starving and it was late. So we went to Denny's and I ate some pancakes, whilst falling asleep.
So then we went to sleep, robot noises and all.
Day 3
"Sometimes you just need to cry, and that's OK."
It started with a 10:00 appointment and it was going well, until I just started crying. Crying nonstop just because I have cancer. Not fun.
This is a bad picture, but I don't care because I felt horrible and emotional.
Later when we went home, I had a good nap. Then the nausea hit me like a truck. For an hour and a half i sat on my bed, not moving, feeling like I could puke any second, but my body wouldn't let me. So we went to dinner anyways and then in the parking lot of the restaurant, I puked in a bag. Then, feeling better, i ate dinner.
We had delicious biscuits and BBQ pork and strawberry lemonade. Then on the way home, I puked again. I don't like it, but if it makes me feel better, then I'm down.
Then I went to bed and slept so well!
Day 4
"A little sand between the toes takes away the woes."
Day 4 was much better. And it was national puppy day, so of course it would be good because puppies make everything better!
Chemo went well, and honestly I don't remember being at the hospital other than when Toby visited me and make my day 10000% better!
Toby was super sweet and the only reason he paid any attention to me was because I had treats for him. Other than that, he wanted nothing to do with me. But he still made me smile and that's all that matters!
When we left, my dad and I went to the beach! I love the sand! Even though I looked like a hobo because it was freezing!
Now that my head is completely bald, it's freezing all the time which is why it looks like I'm about to go skiing.
Also, in case you guys didn't know, Daddy hugs are the bestest bear hugs ever! Also, I didn't take a nap on this day, so I crashed when we got home.
Day 5
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when the skies are gray."
3 more days to go!!
Yes I look sick here. It's because I'm being poisoned.
The room was too bright.
Honestly, all I remember is that I ate Raisin Bran twice and it was delicious, and I slept a lot, and that when I woke up my mom and papa were there. So I squeezed my Daddy and they switched off for the rest of the days.
Day 6
"Sometimes you have to give yourself pep talks."
By this time, I'm DONE. I don't want to be in the hospital anymore. But you gotta give yourself pep talks and tell yourself that you can do it.
Also, my cute Papa is the cutest.
I don't remember much of this day either. The whole week is kind of a blur. I know that chemo went well that day and that I slept a lot. other than that, I don't remember much at all. Chemobrain is a thing guys.
Day 7
"Not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with, here, now, everyday."
-Jeffery R. Holland
So I started my day off with the cutest dog ever. His name was Cooper and I love him.
He was the sweetest ever and didn't care that I've worn the same shirt for the past three days because I have cancer and I do what I want.
So there!
That was the only good part of my day.
I was feeling nauseous so I got an anti-nausea drug called Compazine. I tried to sleep, but it only helped for a little bit until I started to get stir crazy...
So I was DONE. I was DONE with chemo, DONE with the hospital, and just wanted to go home!!! And I was stuck in the hospital for another hour and a half that would never end. SO, my mom and I decided to walk around a little bit. That's when I got uncomfortable. I couldn't stretch the right side of my body and then it started to cramp up.
So here are my mom and I laughing our butts off in the hallway because I looked like an idiot as my right side clenched tighter and tighter as I was bent over and couldn't get up straight again.
So by this time, we had realized that there was something wrong. I was hunched over my right side and my muscles just kept getting tighter and tighter as I kept bending. The nurses called for a wheelchair, but there was a guy with one who came in for whatever reason to help someone else, but he was right there to help me when I needed it because I couldn't stand anymore. So they wheeled me to the Emergency Room. On my way there, my neck started clenching to the right as well. So now I was in pain and kinda freaking out because I couldn't control it and we were on our way to the ER and I didn't know why.
The pain was ridiculous and unsettling on all levels.
If you want to know what it feels like, try bending over sideways like you're going to itch the side of your leg, until your head reaches your waist and then strap a bowling ball to your neck. And now you're stuck like that for 15 minutes.
I got to the Emergency room and I was told that I was having an allergic reaction to the anti-nausea drug they gave me. Luckily they said it was common and that they would give me a shot of Benadryl to counteract the reaction.
I couldn't move hardly anything and I sat there for maybe five minutes but it felt like five hours because I was in pain and trying not to freak out. Luckily, we were still at the hospital while it happened, otherwise I probably would have had a panic attack.
Everyone at Cedars-Sinai are literal angels and I don't know how people can be THAT nice or comforting, but they are. And for that I'm soooo beyond thankful!
So when I finally got the shot of Benadryl, I relaxed within 10 seconds. They got me a bed and then I was good. It was the most wonderful thing ever to finally be in control of my body again.
Then I slept. Then we got home. Then I slept for 14 hours more that night.
That was definitely the most traumatic experience of my life and I hope it never happens again. It is the scariest thing ever not being able to control your body. Luckily I was in good hands and I know that I was comforted during that time from people here and those who are only here in spirit, so I didn't have a panic attack.
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are so amazing and I don't know how anyone could ever deny them or the fact that miracles literally happen everyday. Christ felt what I went through and everything I ever have, and ever will experience. How can you not LOVE Him with everything in you? I know I do.
I know that the guy who was there with the wheelchair wasn't there by accident when we needed him. I know that the timing was perfect, and if it was just an hour later I would have been on the freeway on my way home when it happened. I know that my Papa was supposed to be there for those few days to help my mom when she was trying to keep calm when it all happened.
God is good. God is real. God is everything to me, as He should be.
Life is good.
I am now relaxing at home and feeling great because I'm not at the hospital. I'm with my whole family and my puppy, and am doing awesome considering what I went through this week.
Whew!
"Never Give Up" Shirt Thanks to Ross
Fight Faithfully - Taya
Also, for anyone who saw this picture earlier, the camera flipped it to make it seem like I was driving. I was not driving. There is no way I would have the mental capacity to drive myself to a chemotherapy appointment. But if I gave some people a laugh about how my dad is getting to old to drive himself (he is getting up there...), then you're welcome!
My appointment started at 10:30 and I felt pretty good about it.
To say I was nervous is an understatement. Considering that the day before I had a breakdown about going back and getting poisoned again. But once I got there and got settled and all set up to go, I was good. I was good until they told me that I would have to have Phillip the Poison Pump every night after we left the hospital. EVERY. NIGHT. Oh my goodness no no no no noooooo.....
But, luckily the chemo in the pump was clear, instead of red, so I could pretend it was water.
SPEAKING OF WATER: while you're on chemo, they give you tons of fluids. TONS. Due to that, I had to pee every 20 minutes on the dot. And I had to drag my IV stand, Oliver, with me every single time.
Luckily, this week we had a super cool room in a house connected with UCLA. Which was like paradise compared to the Ronald McDonald house of last time.
Also, with this round of chemo, I need to take certain pills to help with things it was taking from me. One of these things was Sodium Bicarbonate. So during this week, I would need to take four pills every four hours all week long. Let's just say it got old after taking them twice.
The first day was pretty simple. No nausea. No hassle really, which I should have enjoyed longer...
Day 2
"Bald is Beautiful."
Day 2 here we go. 1 day down!
Okay, so to start off, the nurses didn't tell me that Phillip the Poison Pump would be making robot noises every 17 seconds all night, instead of the minute and 15 seconds it did last time. EVERY 17 SECONDS.
Luckily when we got to the hospital, it was disconnected, so I got a break for a little, before it was reconnected later that night.
Even though I got a break from robot noises, I would rather have that, than peeing my pants because of all the fluids. I had to pee every 20 Minutes and if I waited a little longer, it wasn't good. I'll just say that hospital pants are comfy and diapers are actually super cool.
Once the day was done, we went back to the house and I took a long nap. Then I woke up and ate some Chicken Noodle Soup and then took a shower. The shower was nice, until I looked in the mirror afterwards.
My head was disgustingly patchy after most of it fell out in the shower. So we decided to shave it all off.
Bald is a weird feeling. Being buzzed earlier was weird, but having just skin on your head is freaky! At least now I didn't have to wait for it all to fall out. But by the time we were done, we were starving and it was late. So we went to Denny's and I ate some pancakes, whilst falling asleep.
So then we went to sleep, robot noises and all.
Day 3
"Sometimes you just need to cry, and that's OK."
It started with a 10:00 appointment and it was going well, until I just started crying. Crying nonstop just because I have cancer. Not fun.
This is a bad picture, but I don't care because I felt horrible and emotional.
Later when we went home, I had a good nap. Then the nausea hit me like a truck. For an hour and a half i sat on my bed, not moving, feeling like I could puke any second, but my body wouldn't let me. So we went to dinner anyways and then in the parking lot of the restaurant, I puked in a bag. Then, feeling better, i ate dinner.
We had delicious biscuits and BBQ pork and strawberry lemonade. Then on the way home, I puked again. I don't like it, but if it makes me feel better, then I'm down.
Then I went to bed and slept so well!
Day 4
"A little sand between the toes takes away the woes."
Day 4 was much better. And it was national puppy day, so of course it would be good because puppies make everything better!
Chemo went well, and honestly I don't remember being at the hospital other than when Toby visited me and make my day 10000% better!
Toby was super sweet and the only reason he paid any attention to me was because I had treats for him. Other than that, he wanted nothing to do with me. But he still made me smile and that's all that matters!
When we left, my dad and I went to the beach! I love the sand! Even though I looked like a hobo because it was freezing!
Now that my head is completely bald, it's freezing all the time which is why it looks like I'm about to go skiing.
Also, in case you guys didn't know, Daddy hugs are the bestest bear hugs ever! Also, I didn't take a nap on this day, so I crashed when we got home.
Day 5
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when the skies are gray."
3 more days to go!!
Yes I look sick here. It's because I'm being poisoned.
The room was too bright.
Honestly, all I remember is that I ate Raisin Bran twice and it was delicious, and I slept a lot, and that when I woke up my mom and papa were there. So I squeezed my Daddy and they switched off for the rest of the days.
Day 6
"Sometimes you have to give yourself pep talks."
By this time, I'm DONE. I don't want to be in the hospital anymore. But you gotta give yourself pep talks and tell yourself that you can do it.
Also, my cute Papa is the cutest.
I don't remember much of this day either. The whole week is kind of a blur. I know that chemo went well that day and that I slept a lot. other than that, I don't remember much at all. Chemobrain is a thing guys.
Day 7
"Not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with, here, now, everyday."
-Jeffery R. Holland
So I started my day off with the cutest dog ever. His name was Cooper and I love him.
He was the sweetest ever and didn't care that I've worn the same shirt for the past three days because I have cancer and I do what I want.
So there!
That was the only good part of my day.
I was feeling nauseous so I got an anti-nausea drug called Compazine. I tried to sleep, but it only helped for a little bit until I started to get stir crazy...
So I was DONE. I was DONE with chemo, DONE with the hospital, and just wanted to go home!!! And I was stuck in the hospital for another hour and a half that would never end. SO, my mom and I decided to walk around a little bit. That's when I got uncomfortable. I couldn't stretch the right side of my body and then it started to cramp up.
So here are my mom and I laughing our butts off in the hallway because I looked like an idiot as my right side clenched tighter and tighter as I was bent over and couldn't get up straight again.
So by this time, we had realized that there was something wrong. I was hunched over my right side and my muscles just kept getting tighter and tighter as I kept bending. The nurses called for a wheelchair, but there was a guy with one who came in for whatever reason to help someone else, but he was right there to help me when I needed it because I couldn't stand anymore. So they wheeled me to the Emergency Room. On my way there, my neck started clenching to the right as well. So now I was in pain and kinda freaking out because I couldn't control it and we were on our way to the ER and I didn't know why.
The pain was ridiculous and unsettling on all levels.
If you want to know what it feels like, try bending over sideways like you're going to itch the side of your leg, until your head reaches your waist and then strap a bowling ball to your neck. And now you're stuck like that for 15 minutes.
I got to the Emergency room and I was told that I was having an allergic reaction to the anti-nausea drug they gave me. Luckily they said it was common and that they would give me a shot of Benadryl to counteract the reaction.
I couldn't move hardly anything and I sat there for maybe five minutes but it felt like five hours because I was in pain and trying not to freak out. Luckily, we were still at the hospital while it happened, otherwise I probably would have had a panic attack.
Everyone at Cedars-Sinai are literal angels and I don't know how people can be THAT nice or comforting, but they are. And for that I'm soooo beyond thankful!
So when I finally got the shot of Benadryl, I relaxed within 10 seconds. They got me a bed and then I was good. It was the most wonderful thing ever to finally be in control of my body again.
Then I slept. Then we got home. Then I slept for 14 hours more that night.
That was definitely the most traumatic experience of my life and I hope it never happens again. It is the scariest thing ever not being able to control your body. Luckily I was in good hands and I know that I was comforted during that time from people here and those who are only here in spirit, so I didn't have a panic attack.
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are so amazing and I don't know how anyone could ever deny them or the fact that miracles literally happen everyday. Christ felt what I went through and everything I ever have, and ever will experience. How can you not LOVE Him with everything in you? I know I do.
I know that the guy who was there with the wheelchair wasn't there by accident when we needed him. I know that the timing was perfect, and if it was just an hour later I would have been on the freeway on my way home when it happened. I know that my Papa was supposed to be there for those few days to help my mom when she was trying to keep calm when it all happened.
God is good. God is real. God is everything to me, as He should be.
Life is good.
I am now relaxing at home and feeling great because I'm not at the hospital. I'm with my whole family and my puppy, and am doing awesome considering what I went through this week.
Whew!
"Never Give Up" Shirt Thanks to Ross
Fight Faithfully - Taya
You are inspiring! I am so grateful for your testimony and your courageous strength! And seriously! If you wrote and published books I would love reading them! Thanks for sharing your journey!
ReplyDeleteYou're an inspiration and such a good writer, your blog is truly special! Hang in there kiddo and fight on!!
ReplyDelete❤️ Mrs. Sullivan ( Jane)
I love your style of writing and the truth in your posts. Thanks for sharing the bad and the good. Your focus on the positive inspires. We're fasting and praying for you. Love you! 💗💗
ReplyDeleteWow, what an ordeal. I am praying for you and your sweet parents. Keep your spirits up!
ReplyDeleteYou are one tough cookie, girl!! I love how honest you are about what you are going through. It truly is inspiring to see how strong you are. You and your family are in my prayers constantly. Keep smiling... The light inside you just radiates!!
ReplyDeleteRound 2 Over! And it appears to have had less nausea (that good), plus cute fur friends, and angels to tend you <3
ReplyDeleteThank you for bearing your Testimony. Jesus is the ROCK and you are His witness. I love you <3
Love your thoughtful account with all the details for good and for bad. Real is good. You are amazing! Love you girl!
ReplyDeleteI Love My Incredibly Beautiful & Amazing Baby Girl!!!
ReplyDelete