Wow! It's been a long time since my last post! A lot has been going on lately! So before I get into this post, I want to do some updates! I only have 5 more chemo treatments and I am so excited to be done! I remember at the beginning of all this when the end seemed so far away, but now it's almost here! I will be done in the middle of February and am beyond excited to not have to be poisoned every couple weeks. :)
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Expect the Opposite
I hadn't always wanted to serve a mission. It was always something I had considered, but never really knew if it would be something I would actually do in my life. But I went through a few hard times in high school that made rely completely on the Savior. I started to think about a mission and got really serious about it during the summer before senior year.
That summer I went to my last year of Girl's Camp with my sister. I made it a priority to ponder about my mission during the week since there we no distractions up in the mountains. By the end of the week, I knew I had to go. I announced it to my friends and family and everyone was super excited about it.
A week after that, my brother, sister, and I went up to EFY (Especially for Youth) in Idaho to spend a week at BYU-Idaho and it was absolutely amazing! It further confirmed my plan to go on a mission. Everything was falling into place, and I couldn't be happier. I had a plan. I would leave on my mission when I turned 19 in September, and then when I came back, I would attend college at BYU Idaho since I had loved it so much in the summer. But in the fall, I started to question the timing. So I prayed about it and decided to leave in the winter after my 19th birthday. It felt better and I felt like I needed to be with my family. I didn't know why at the time, but I just felt it.
I don't exactly remember when it was, but sometime in probably January or early February of my senior year I planned to start my papers and leave in the winter.
And then I got cancer. Everything that I planned completely fell apart.
I didn't understand why Heavenly Father had confirmed my decision to serve a mission so many times and now He was totally changing everything on me. I was confused and then with cancer, my future kind of went to the back of my mind and I focused to getting healthy and beating it.
Then the month of my 19th birthday was coming close. I would be mission age. I would have either been leaving on a mission soon or starting my papers to leave in the winter, if cancer hadn't happened. I started thinking about what I was going to do with my life once it was all over, and I had no clue. All the timing I had planned was now totally different and my perspective on life was totally different and I had NO CLUE what to do.
So I prayed about it.
And I didn't just pray. I prayed HARD and pondered HARD. I did this for a couple months and the answer I got was very unexpected.
I remember I was sitting on my bed early in the morning and no one else was awake yet, and I remember getting this thought in my head, "You need to go to Utah."
Allow me to clarify: I have NEVER EVER thought about going to school in Utah or ever living there. Sure, it's nice to visit, but I had never pictured myself actually going to live there.
But all I felt was peace. Complete and total peace that this was what I needed to do with my life. To be honest, it completely terrified me because I have never been so sure of anything in my entire life. I have never felt peace like that. Ever.
And let me tell you: I bawled my eyes out while my face ached from smiling so big. I knew with absolute certainty that this was what I needed to do.
SO I started to look into schools. I had never thought about going to BYU in Utah until I was given yet another confirmation that it was right. BYU has a scholarship for Ewing's Sarcoma cancer survivors.
Do you know how rare it is to have Ewing's Sarcoma cancer!? Because it is ridiculously rare. Like 0.00002% of the entire population gets this type of cancer. It barely even exists.
So that's what I'm going to do with my life. I'm going to go to Utah and attend BYU and I'm going to share my story with people and become an inspirational speaker. Whoooohoooo!
(However, once cancer is over, I have to stay here for scans and bloodwork and checkups for at least a year. So while all that happens, I'm going to get my AA in general studies and then transfer when I am able to.)
But it feels really good to have a plan, even if it's the opposite of EVERYTHING I had planned before. I've learned that I shouldn't ever plan anything myself, because it's obviously never what God has in mind for me.
God has a specific plan for each and every one of us. It's never what we think it will be, but there is always a reason for everything we go through. Once I got the confirmation of what to do with my life, I wondered why Heavenly Father had agreed with my plan to go on a mission so many times, but now that wasn't happening, but I felt perfectly at peace with it and had no clue why. Because I was disappointed that I had so much peace about it. I didn't understand...
But then I REALLY thought about it and realized something.
I was reading my patriarchal blessing recently (you can read about what that is here!) and came across something that meant something totally different a year ago. It said, "If you so desire, you shall be a missionary for the Lord and shall declare His truths..."
It didn't say "You will be a missionary." Heavenly Father wanted me to have that burning desire to serve a mission, even if it wasn't His plan for me all along. He wanted me to realize the extreme importance of it and even though He completely changed my plan for my entire life, I still want to serve Him in any way I can because of those confirmations that I had earlier. I'm not serving a "traditional mission," but I'm still serving Him, because it has become a passion and now I can't see myself doing anything else.
There is always a bigger picture. If it feels like nothing is going the way it should, pray about it, because I guarantee that even though it may be torture right now, that's the way God needs it to go. I wanted to go on a mission for 18 months, and I didn't want cancer. But those things are what God needed to happen in my life. I needed to get cancer because I needed to have experiences that wouldn't have happened otherwise. There are things that have happened with my family that I needed to be here for, and would have missed out on the learning and testimony building opportunities if I had gone on a mission. I need to go to Utah instead, and I need to share my story with others. I'm not to that point yet, but I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father has amazing plans for me there.
Trusting God and His plan for YOU is worth it. There is no better plan than His, even though you may not see it now. I promise you that.
Fight Faithfully - Taya
_________________
Expect the Opposite
I hadn't always wanted to serve a mission. It was always something I had considered, but never really knew if it would be something I would actually do in my life. But I went through a few hard times in high school that made rely completely on the Savior. I started to think about a mission and got really serious about it during the summer before senior year.
That summer I went to my last year of Girl's Camp with my sister. I made it a priority to ponder about my mission during the week since there we no distractions up in the mountains. By the end of the week, I knew I had to go. I announced it to my friends and family and everyone was super excited about it.
A week after that, my brother, sister, and I went up to EFY (Especially for Youth) in Idaho to spend a week at BYU-Idaho and it was absolutely amazing! It further confirmed my plan to go on a mission. Everything was falling into place, and I couldn't be happier. I had a plan. I would leave on my mission when I turned 19 in September, and then when I came back, I would attend college at BYU Idaho since I had loved it so much in the summer. But in the fall, I started to question the timing. So I prayed about it and decided to leave in the winter after my 19th birthday. It felt better and I felt like I needed to be with my family. I didn't know why at the time, but I just felt it.
I don't exactly remember when it was, but sometime in probably January or early February of my senior year I planned to start my papers and leave in the winter.
And then I got cancer. Everything that I planned completely fell apart.
I didn't understand why Heavenly Father had confirmed my decision to serve a mission so many times and now He was totally changing everything on me. I was confused and then with cancer, my future kind of went to the back of my mind and I focused to getting healthy and beating it.
Then the month of my 19th birthday was coming close. I would be mission age. I would have either been leaving on a mission soon or starting my papers to leave in the winter, if cancer hadn't happened. I started thinking about what I was going to do with my life once it was all over, and I had no clue. All the timing I had planned was now totally different and my perspective on life was totally different and I had NO CLUE what to do.
So I prayed about it.
And I didn't just pray. I prayed HARD and pondered HARD. I did this for a couple months and the answer I got was very unexpected.
I remember I was sitting on my bed early in the morning and no one else was awake yet, and I remember getting this thought in my head, "You need to go to Utah."
Allow me to clarify: I have NEVER EVER thought about going to school in Utah or ever living there. Sure, it's nice to visit, but I had never pictured myself actually going to live there.
But all I felt was peace. Complete and total peace that this was what I needed to do with my life. To be honest, it completely terrified me because I have never been so sure of anything in my entire life. I have never felt peace like that. Ever.
And let me tell you: I bawled my eyes out while my face ached from smiling so big. I knew with absolute certainty that this was what I needed to do.
SO I started to look into schools. I had never thought about going to BYU in Utah until I was given yet another confirmation that it was right. BYU has a scholarship for Ewing's Sarcoma cancer survivors.
Do you know how rare it is to have Ewing's Sarcoma cancer!? Because it is ridiculously rare. Like 0.00002% of the entire population gets this type of cancer. It barely even exists.
So that's what I'm going to do with my life. I'm going to go to Utah and attend BYU and I'm going to share my story with people and become an inspirational speaker. Whoooohoooo!
(However, once cancer is over, I have to stay here for scans and bloodwork and checkups for at least a year. So while all that happens, I'm going to get my AA in general studies and then transfer when I am able to.)
But it feels really good to have a plan, even if it's the opposite of EVERYTHING I had planned before. I've learned that I shouldn't ever plan anything myself, because it's obviously never what God has in mind for me.
God has a specific plan for each and every one of us. It's never what we think it will be, but there is always a reason for everything we go through. Once I got the confirmation of what to do with my life, I wondered why Heavenly Father had agreed with my plan to go on a mission so many times, but now that wasn't happening, but I felt perfectly at peace with it and had no clue why. Because I was disappointed that I had so much peace about it. I didn't understand...
But then I REALLY thought about it and realized something.
I was reading my patriarchal blessing recently (you can read about what that is here!) and came across something that meant something totally different a year ago. It said, "If you so desire, you shall be a missionary for the Lord and shall declare His truths..."
It didn't say "You will be a missionary." Heavenly Father wanted me to have that burning desire to serve a mission, even if it wasn't His plan for me all along. He wanted me to realize the extreme importance of it and even though He completely changed my plan for my entire life, I still want to serve Him in any way I can because of those confirmations that I had earlier. I'm not serving a "traditional mission," but I'm still serving Him, because it has become a passion and now I can't see myself doing anything else.
There is always a bigger picture. If it feels like nothing is going the way it should, pray about it, because I guarantee that even though it may be torture right now, that's the way God needs it to go. I wanted to go on a mission for 18 months, and I didn't want cancer. But those things are what God needed to happen in my life. I needed to get cancer because I needed to have experiences that wouldn't have happened otherwise. There are things that have happened with my family that I needed to be here for, and would have missed out on the learning and testimony building opportunities if I had gone on a mission. I need to go to Utah instead, and I need to share my story with others. I'm not to that point yet, but I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father has amazing plans for me there.
Trusting God and His plan for YOU is worth it. There is no better plan than His, even though you may not see it now. I promise you that.
Fight Faithfully - Taya
I sooooo appreciate your post & testimony! It’s very hard to remember to always trust in heavenly fathers plan. Your words were eloquent & are a testimony builder to all those reading them. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing with us through this blog . We're wondering how you're doing now. Of course , we're still praying for you . This is your friend who you've never met, but I feel like I know you . My son is Justin who is recovering from brain cancer and is closely following the protocol of Chris Wark, a cancer survivor . Love to you and yours!
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